Hope you had a happy Halloween

Concealed Agent Double Edged Stinger - Arm Sheath Only $8.99

Very necessary. And in this economy who can say no to that price?

Constructed with 420 stainless steel blades and black ABS handles, encapsulated full tang construction. Includes black nylon sheath with elastic straps and impact resistant blade guard. 7 1/4" overall, 3 3/8" blade, 1/8" blade thickness.

Come for the Rubes but stay for the acid jingle

 

18, 701 bagizillion Rube Goldbergh Machines. BACK to back. Who has all those different things around at home?

Um yes, ice cream please?

Breaker breaker copy 10-40. The world is good.

Craigslist tadpoles.

Actual text of the post:

Reply to: sale-723645030@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-06-17, 8:44PM CDT

You need tadpoles....we have them. They will be frogs soon.

Location: MWC
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 723645030

Can not wait for Troll 2.

This isn't really about my fantastic neighbor but I know he wouldn't mind since we aren't really neighbors anymore.

 I just think that Troll 2 was so misunderstood. I mean, the trolls were vegetarians!

Also, Best Worst Movie Ever, the documentary.

an offer you cant refuse

It's been a while and he has been hanging out with his new strip club crew outside my window so I thought he was done with me. But he dropped by with an empty Vitamin Water bottle telling me he had a proposition for me and it was back to the good old days real quick. I'm looking at this empty bottle thinking of all the incredible things that he could be planning to do with me.

Benny: I'm making some good meatloaf tonight and some mashed potatoes. 

I think I have an idea of what he wants from me.

Benny: And well, thing is I interviewed for this really great job the other day. I'll make plate for you.

Yeah, while this is happening he's holding up the empty bottle of my choice energy drink, kind of displaying it for me Vanna White-style. I just stare at him and the bottle, not wanting to believe that he practically just asked me to give him my urine in a bottle in  exchange for meatloaf and potatoes mashed into themselves. I don't even like meatloaf.

habanero beef patties

Just got back from class and was winding down, getting my homework out.

Knock knock. Benny pushes a beer towards me without saying anything. Like we were intergalactic superheroes and he just handed me my flux capacitor-hyper-zoom-extenda-ring that gave us powers and I knew exactly what to do with it. Drop everything and save the world fool.

Me: Oh hey. Uh, um hi. No thanks. I really ought to do some homework. I'm way behind. Really, thank you though.

Benny: Oh  just thought that–well since you just got back home from class, right? You know. You might enjoy a beer. 

Me: Yeah I did, but even though a beer sounds great I really have a lot of work to do tonight.

Benny: Oh yeah, right. Of course. Maybe another time. 

Soon after, he's at the door again. 

Benny: Want some habanero patties?

Me: Habanero patties?

Benny: I'm making some and thought you might want some. I just mush em together with some chopped peppers.

Me: Right. Sounds good but I just had a frozen dinner, thanks though. 

Benny: Well if you ever want some food, I love to cook. I can make some porkchops. You like porkchops? Or chicken. I got lots of food.

Me: I really appreciate it but I ate and have a lot of work to do.

Benny: Just let me know if you want any habanero patties.

Unfortunately they actually sounded kinda good.

2nd encounter of the day

The night after that first porch hangout encounter, I was just leaving a bar and heading out to go do some work at school when Benny shows up. I had had a couple of drinks so I was feeling a bit iffy. 

Me: Oh hey, what are you doing here?

Benny: Well, I was just walkin' by and well I seen that you were in here.

Me: Really? Well I'm on my way to school to work on some stuff.

Benny: Ohhh that's fine. I'll walk you there.

Me: Oh that's okay. I'm fine. Really.

Benny: I'm walking that way anyway and I wanna ask you something.

Wanna go out on a date? Which way do you sleep at night? How would you like me to chop your body up before I eat it? With my nail clippers? Plastic knife from Wendy's? Do you ever stare at the sky and wonder why??  

Benny: You wanna buy some food stamps?

Me: Um, no thanks. I appreciate the offer though.

Benny: Sure? I got a bunch. Can I borrow ten dollars?

Me: Yeah, I only have a buck. I'm sorry.

Benny: Oh, well, it's okay. I got some money coming in tomorrow anyway. You know. Well wanna go to Hunnie's [local strip joint]?

Me: Yeah, sorry, no. I gotta do some work at school. Sorry. 

1st encounter of the day

I was out on my porch eating a sandwich and drinking a beer enjoying the afternoon. I even cracked open my window to enjoy some music from my stereo. Benny came out with his own beer. We talked for a bit and eventually I offered him a beer and he offered me one. A friend of mine showed up and we started getting ready to go out for a few drinks before I had to go back to school to do some work that night. 

Me: Alright, well see you later. Had a good time hanging out.

Benny: Yeah. Hey, uh, lemme know if you guys go party somewhere or something.

Me: Yeah I don't think we will. I have to go back to school afterwards so I probably won't.

Benny: Oh. Well you guys party right? [putting together his index and thumb by his mouth] Well If you guys come back and party [index and thumb again] make sure you tell me. I know you kids, eh eh?